So, you’ve all probably noticed my super duper depressing social media recently (sorry!), and it’s not really a secret anymore that earlier this week me and my fiance separated. It was a total shocker, and to be fair, neither of us saw it coming, but you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do, eh? I obviously won’t go into detail about his decision, but I wanted to write a blog, just to help get my mind around things and hopefully one day offer some sort of comfort to those in a similar time of need.
I don’t think that anything could have prepared me for the shock to the system. There really is no pain quite like a break up, it really strikes you deep and can be both emotionally and physically painful. It is truly one of the suckiest times ever, there is no denying it. Any of you that know me personally will be aware that I suffer from depression and anxiety, which obviously amplifies all of the tough feelings and dark thoughts floating around, but this time, something insane happened, and I felt in control of my reaction. It was amazing. This leads me onto my first tip: be aware of your ‘self destruct’ mode. You know the drill. You feel like shit, so what do you do? Facebook stalk, eat pints of ice cream and blame yourself? Yeah, we all fall susceptible to a self destruct sesh, especially if you suffer with low self esteem. My advice would be to really stay conscious of your decisions, and try to pin point things you do that aren’t helpful or aiding your recovery in any way and gradually make efforts to remove these bad habits from your life. Please don’t forget to reward yourself too! It won’t be easy, but making healthy, positive decisions will put you back in the drivers seat and make the whole situation feel a little more comfortable.
Tip number two: for God’s sake do not look in magazines for advice. Jeez Louise. I made this horrendous mistake in a time of desperation and it got me down SO badly. They basically just tell you that your partner will move on, you’ll be ‘fine’, not to eat junk food and that you need to ‘talk to someone’, which although has it’s place, it really isn’t that helpful. It is such generic advice, but you can’t help but apply it to your own situation and believe every damn word they say. Please remember that this is your break up, and you need to do all you can to look after yourself. These things aren’t universal. This is one reason I decided to write this post, because it’s actually real life. This is exactly the kind of thing I have been looking for, so other people must do, too.
My last piece of advice for you is to really just look after yourself. Everyone keeps telling me to take this time to really consider what I want out of life, and to ‘wave the Rosie flag’. Although it may not feel possible, your break up can be on your terms. Try to see each positive decision you make as a physical step towards a healthy and happy life, and really focus your movements on the here and now. Eventually you’ll be able to see your life right in front of you again, and step into a bright new space.
This is hands down one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There are no words that could ever describe the love I have for my fiance, and it’s unbelievably hard to let go of hopes, dreams and plans we made together. I keep trying to remind myself that everything happens for a reason, it’s just another step of my crazay journey, but I’ll make sense of it one day. I know this isn’t goodbye though, it never can be on the Isle of Wight (seriously). To consider someone a soulmate is never exclusively sexual or romantic, I believe that we are meant to be together in life. Whether it’s as friends or partners it really doesn’t matter to me, as long as he’s around I feel complete. There’s no way I’ll ever forget him, so I’m not trying to. I’m going to get better, forever.